Where is my Insomnia?

At 3:30 am on a warm March night, sitting in my new chair, in front of my old table, staring at a 14 inch LCD screen, with a 10 watt zero bulb being the only other source of illumination in the room, I am typing away whatever comes to mind and I dare ask myself a question… Where is my Insomnia?

With three deadlines lined up for the next 12 hours, the last thing on my mind should be Sleep. But Sleep is the only thing that comes to my mind at this unearthly hour when not a creature should be stirring.

I recollect with passion the very intimate relationship I have shared with Sleep over the years. I have spent countless nights with Sleep under the starlit sky sharing my most intimate dreams with her. Having shared my bed with Sleep for so many years, I cannot help feel guilty when I lust for Insomnia. Knowing very well that Insomnia and Sleep never got along very well with each other. I have let Sleep seduce me into my bed so many times. Yet I am ungrateful enough to flirt with Insomnia tonight.

Sleep for me has been the ultimate “no side effects” anaesthetic cum pain killer. Be it any form of physical or emotional pain. Even for escape from endless unwanted thoughts. Sleep provides the ultimate exit. Sleep is the gateway to a dream world where I can create my own pseudo reality. The percentage of times I have had nightmares is so small that I consider nightmares as a small price to pay for the euphoria that is Sleep.

But it is Insomnia that I need right now. Three deadlines lined up and in line to bury me. I have no choice but to hook up with Insomnia. Insomnia used to be so easy to hook up with in those days. Insomnia used to come running into my arms so easily at the slightest mention of things like movie marathon, pillow fight or even midnight hot on fashion TV. Where is my insomnia now when I need her the most?

There are numerous ways to artificially bring Insomnia close to you. Insomnia stalkers have tried coffee, tea, cigarettes and what not to make Insomnia yield to their will. And yes Insomnia did yield to them. But she has her own pepper spray way of getting even with those who tried to stalk her in the wrong ways. I used to think that it was all a rumour. But my suspicions were confirmed when my atheist friend (who tried to stalk Insomnia with caffeine) started wearing T shirts with captions like “Decaffeinated Coffee is the Devil’s Blend”. He had to be put on caffeine rehab after he started sneezing with his eyes open. He seems to be responding well to rehab but they say he hasn’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

Having made up my mind to use only the most honourable methods to stalk and hunt Insomnia, I start thinking whether any such honourable methods exist. When I look at the watch, I realise the perfect way to get Insomnia. When I started writing this, I had 12 hours and 4 deadlines. Now I have 10 hours and 4 deadlines. The realisation dawns on me that the best way to get insomnia is last minute panic. But I never leave things to the last minute. I immediately start panicking. The birds start chirping. As dawn breaks, I see that insomnia is irresistibly attracted to me as I get the feeling that my grades are going test the laws of gravity. Dawn breaks. As the rays of the sun seep over the horizon, I feel insomnia seeping through me. Insomnia is here. I embrace Insomnia with open eyelids and bid a final goodbye to Sleep.