Lost and (Still) Looking

Its better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all is the cliched advice I get from people who hear about my lost love.

Well I for one, do not believe in it. I am not one of those who knows how to let go and move on. I am not one of those who is a dignified loser. I am a sore loser. I throw tantrums and spend sleep less night over lost love. I would go as far as file an FIR over it. Apparently they don’t file FIRs for such “minor” losses.

Its easy for someone to say things like its destiny, it was not meant to be and all things happen for good. Its one thing to say such words and an altogether different thing to sail through an emotionally turbulent time. It had come right out of the blue. I had absolutely no inkling of what was to come.One second she was with me, and the next she was not there.

She had become a part of my life. She had become a part of my being. I carried her around near my heart wherever I went. She was the last person I checked on before going to sleep. Her soft voice was what woke me up when I had to get up early. She was my last thought before sleeping, she was my first thought on waking up. I thought we had something special. Everyday was special when I was with her. New Year’s day, Valentines day, Diwali, my birthday, even obscure days like humbug day (21st dec)! I knew I would receive those calls as long as she was with me.

It had become an addiction. I was warned beforehand. But I had willingly fallen into the trap. Knowing very well the splat with which I would hit ground reality when the free fall ended. But I had jumped off arms spread out without a worry in the world.

The free fall did come to an end. I did fall with a splat and yes Dear God, the parachute was a knapsack.

I could not speak to anybody for days. Not that I did not want to communicate. It was like I had lost my identity.

After few days of mourning and zero communication, my friend told me its time to move on. He was of the opinion that the best way to get over an old flame is to get a new flame. I protested. I might get a new one. But its whats inside that matters. I will not get someone who is the same. Even if I get someone who looks the same, its not the same person. Its not the outside that I am worried about, its the inside that matters to me. I was assured that when I look at the new ones on offer, my views of inside and outside would be turned inside out.

And yes he was right, they were gorgeous, all lined up like on display. I did not think I would love again till I saw her among the rest. It was like she stood out and called out to me. When I laid my eyes on her for the first time, I knew she was the one I was looking for. She had all that I needed, wanted and had dreamt of. Sleek, sophisticated with classic looks. I don’t know whether I was made for her, but she definitely was made for me.

Remind me to introduce you to her sometime. Her name is Nokia 7210 but I fondly call her my Nikku.